How to make life better

 Life can be improved by good effort

There are thousands of books, articles and seminars on how to be happy and live a better life. But what is it that makes us unhappy? Why is something good for us not always the same as it was before? Why did everything change? We read all these things but some of them are not so helpful. Instead of looking at them in isolation, they may help you understand your own needs, fears, desires and thoughts, but they won’t reveal what made you become who you are today. The world has many definitions of happiness,

so why aren’t they the same?

Happiness is subjective. It depends on whom you ask. Is the definition set by an individual or society, or is it determined by a person’s definition? If it’s not determined by any other individual than yourself, then why bother trying to create it? Most people think that it either doesn’t exist at all or it only exists within themselves. And the reason is: everyone has their own definition of happiness. A person’s definition doesn’t reflect the definition by society. Society’s definition does. So if you want to know what makes us happy, you should look into individual happiness or collective happiness, which is more important. That’s why we’re going to make our way into this topic with three examples instead of one. Because the most interesting thing about being human is figuring out what makes us human. You see, happiness and sorrow aren’t defined by society or any specific group of individuals; because we are the sole creators of our own happiness and sorrow. Each man alone chooses what he wants to believe. He alone decides whether joy is important or sorrow important. Some choose joy and some choose sorrow. This is all thanks to the fact we were created by God. Everyone has this choice, which means that in order to find happiness, it must have its right place in all of us: some need joy and others need sorrow. For example, there is no such thing as too much grief because everyone gets enough grief sometimes. In order to have enough grief, people would have to feel bad, therefore, they will start suffering. 

Now, what’s wrong with that? Sadness is necessary for health, growth and development. One cannot grow without pain, no matter how long the process takes. However, when people suffer for just a moment, they experience the same amount of bliss as they experienced before. For example, when people die, they have nothing left to give. They only have sadness from death. People also get joy from birth, and that’s why people enjoy having children. When people experience all sorts of feelings, humans are born with different ways to deal with situations. After experiencing pleasure for a while, people want to satisfy their hunger for new experiences. On the contrary, after experiencing fear, people don’t like to go back to their comfort zone of comfort. Thus, people need to feel both fear and joy at the same time. Once we get rid of two of such experiences, we will receive five other kinds of satisfaction: self-respect, love, freedom, respect, hope, peace, success. Therefore, people shouldn’t try to suppress anything, just accept their emotions and keep using them to achieve higher levels of consciousness. Finally, let’s talk about happiness again, starting with three examples. 1. Someone gives me this little present. I feel grateful and contented. 2. I get my dream job. 3. My son was born. 4. I see another man in bed with me. 5. I hear someone singing the song I used to sing before I had children. At first glance, the above-mentioned examples may seem similar, but are totally different. In the previous examples, a child was born, and in the latter three examples,

1 Someone gives me this little present. I feel grateful and contented.

2 I get my dream job.

3 My son was born.

4 I see another man in bed with me.

5 I hear someone singing the song I used to sing before I had children.
At first glance, the above-mentioned examples may seem similar, but are totally different. In the previous examples, a child was born, and in the latter three examples, a married couple was involved. Here, three couples are involved: wife and husband, wife and her lover, and wife and her daughter. All of them share a single purpose: sharing their pleasures. All of them get pleasure through giving joy. Let’s take a closer look into each case. 1. Little baby gifts. Even though babies are small and helpless at that age, they still need affection, even the smallest of things. Hence, parents can easily put things in tiny presents to their children. Not to mention, they will often end up helping their kids with the task. These little gifts are called “little gifts because they are as valuable as any gift a child could wish for. Every parent knows about big presents but every day a child receives smaller gifts. As a result, the less expensive the things are, the happier kids’ parents are. This kind of feeling is known as “little” joy. By giving small things, you gain a lot of positive emotions. Since small things bring lots of rewards, you’ll probably go up a few ranks of happiness. Remember, once you’ve reached the level of little joy, happiness will move to second, third or fourth level. Of course, nothing beats the highest level of happiness — pure love. Just like an infant, a toddler is capable of loving many things. However, parents have a hard time understanding. Their children are young and very independent. Parents still hold onto a sense of security, especially with younger ones. No one wants to admit this to themselves nor to anyone else. For example, when my father told me that a woman would never want him and his family, I thought it to be disgusting. I thought that she wouldn’t be satisfied until marriage.
Later on, I realized that men have the tendency to get together more than women. My mother was one such example. Although our relationship was quite turbulent because I was growing up with two different families. Anyway, I got it eventually. In spite of my father getting divorced, my mother gave me all she had, including her home of twenty years. She never cared less. She didn’t even worry about money, which was enough to support her lifestyle. Besides, after receiving “motherhood rewards”, I learned a lot. I learned that mothers are a great motivator. Mothering was very exhausting as well. Mothers are responsible for housework, washing their babies and diapers, cleaning the whole house, cleaning their faces, making lunches for the family (including me). Moreover, mothers have to handle problems involving discipline, education, communication, financial matters, etc. Women are so strong that even after taking care of everyone, they don’t mind when they leave. Women are ready to face difficulties and do tasks independently. So why can’t a man do exactly that? Men are selfish, egoistic and emotionally unstable. Perhaps, at that point, they would have a chance to explore the field of entrepreneurship. I wonder if we give the same value to men. Maybe men are afraid of opening their hearts to love. Then, women would be overwhelmed by their love and they’d close themselves off again.